I almost flubbed up today. I’ve been going strong with my resolutions, and for the first few I felt like a WIZARD. Suddenly I knew when I’d be doing things and what I had time for. I was managing it like a pro and not on the fly as I usually do with gusto and anxiety.
But yesterday was the beginning of the pull away.
I was behind drinking water when I was meant to, but I reminded myself all day that as long as before I went to bed that water jug was empty (and not from pouring it down the drain)? I succeeded. I finished it by 9, which isn’t too bad considering the running around I did and the nap I took. I felt tired all day yesterday. Today is no exception.
Today I woke up absolutely horribly. I couldn’t force myself out of bed like I usually can. It took half an hour for Martin to convince me to quit laying there, and even though that’s not a lot, I’ve been trying really hard to keep to this new routine I’ve got going on.
I didn’t finish my reading yesterday. I didn’t finish my reading the day before. So this morning I played catch up. I didn’t want to. I haven’t wanted to do anything but sleep since I woke.
But I didn’t. I haven’t. I just sort of told myself I *had* to do some of these things. I’m still behind on water. I’m at a little after the “1pm” mark. It’s currently 2:29pm. That’s not a *lot* of catching up to do though in terms of how much water I’ve got to drink to catch up. A few gulps maybe.
But I’ve had some pretty cool little victories and I just wanted to point out that despite the difficulty and my strong desire *not* to do the things today? I *did* wake up earlier than I used to. I *did* manage to catch up on reading, and may even finish the book today instead of tomorrow. I *have* managed to keep up with all my positive things. I got paid yesterday. Martin’s spent the last two days hanging out in the lounge with me throughout the mornings. It’s been a pretty excellent turn-around from the crappy crap crap weeks we’d been having prior to January 1st.
I just keep reminding myself that even if I *don’t* do EVERY thing I promised myself I’d do? It’s okay. I can do better tomorrow. It’s okay to take breaks or to take care of other needs before the need to drink a 3L jug of water a day. If I nap through most the day leaving me a tiny span of time to gulp down 3L of water? Then I should skip that day and not feel guilty. I should do better the next day. Get to bed earlier to avoid needing a mid-day nap.
Today’s been mostly about learning not to feel anxiety or put so much pressure on myself to change all my bad habits so instantly. The routine will set in. It’ll take time. Just stick to it, Katie.