Little Victories

kickass

A friend on Facebook’s review of my personality based on a conversation that had the potential to go extremely sour because of its controversy but ended with agreement to disagree and praise of the maturity with which we both handled the discussion.

I almost flubbed up today. I’ve been going strong with my resolutions, and for the first few I felt like a WIZARD. Suddenly I knew when I’d be doing things and what I had time for. I was managing it like a pro and not on the fly as I usually do with gusto and anxiety.

But yesterday was the beginning of the pull away.

I was behind drinking water when I was meant to, but I reminded myself all day that as long as before I went to bed that water jug was empty (and not from pouring it down the drain)? I succeeded. I finished it by 9, which isn’t too bad considering the running around I did and the nap I took. I felt tired all day yesterday. Today is no exception.

Today I woke up absolutely horribly. I couldn’t force myself out of bed like I usually can. It took half an hour for Martin to convince me to quit laying there, and even though that’s not a lot, I’ve been trying really hard to keep to this new routine I’ve got going on.

I didn’t finish my reading yesterday. I didn’t finish my reading the day before. So this morning I played catch up. I didn’t want to. I haven’t wanted to do anything but sleep since I woke.

But I didn’t. I haven’t. I just sort of told myself I *had* to do some of these things. I’m still behind on water. I’m at a little after the “1pm” mark. It’s currently 2:29pm. That’s not a *lot* of catching up to do though in terms of how much water I’ve got to drink to catch up. A few gulps maybe.

But I’ve had some pretty cool little victories and I just wanted to point out that despite the difficulty and my strong desire *not* to do the things today? I *did* wake up earlier than I used to. I *did* manage to catch up on reading, and may even finish the book today instead of tomorrow. I *have* managed to keep up with all my positive things. I got paid yesterday. Martin’s spent the last two days hanging out in the lounge with me throughout the mornings. It’s been a pretty excellent turn-around from the crappy crap crap weeks we’d been having prior to January 1st.

I just keep reminding myself that even if I *don’t* do EVERY thing I promised myself I’d do? It’s okay. I can do better tomorrow. It’s okay to take breaks or to take care of other needs before the need to drink a 3L jug of water a day. If I nap through most the day leaving me a tiny span of time to gulp down 3L of water? Then I should skip that day and not feel guilty. I should do better the next day. Get to bed earlier to avoid needing a mid-day nap.

Today’s been mostly about learning not to feel anxiety or put so much pressure on myself to change all my bad habits so instantly. The routine will set in. It’ll take time. Just stick to it, Katie.

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An Exchange Between an Ex-Tenant and a Lazy Property Manager

My Name Here
<myemail@email.com>
to Property Manager
12/23/16 (11 days ago)
[Name Redacted],

It’s come to my attention (driving with muscle memory to my old address instead of my new one) that someone has moved into [address redacted]. I’m glad you found renters so fast.
However, I’m pretty upset that you still have yet to inform us about how much it cost to clean those windows and fix the chip in the wall.
But if you didn’t actually get an invoice back yet, I’d like to know what work was actually done. I was under the impression that we were meant to be told and to sign off on being okay with the amount being taken out of our bond… and if you had someone move into the property already it seems that you could’ve found time for us to come in and take care of that so that we can get our bond back as soon as possible. Because if someone’s moved in the work must be done already, right?
Martin and I were both under the impression it takes a lot less time to get bonds back than 4 weeks, but we accepted it and now I wish I’d made some calls, because you’ve been either dishonest with us, or you’ve delayed us by even MORE time because you cared more about your holidays than doing your job. I appreciate that you’re busy, but notifying us that work has been done is a task that can be reduced to a couple minutes of chasing up the people who did the work for an invoice, and then shooting it to us in an e-mail or giving us a call to come in and say “Yep, cool.” We’ve stressed the importance of this bond to you, and your response was clearly riddled with the “this isn’t my fault” attitude, and I’m less than appreciative.
My husband won’t be thrilled I sent this e-mail because he hates to make a fuss, but I won’t get shoved aside to the “this can be done later” pile. Because this is something I need. We were good tenants. We paid our rent on time, we kept the place as tidy as we could barring the lawn because the retic never properly got sorted and we’re really just not good at lawns. But I scrubbed all the grease off of the oven fans I did all the things that were NOT done before we moved into the place. And I didn’t complain.

Now I want my bond back. I want the process for this started as soon as your office has open hours again and if you are not going to be there because you have vacation or something of the sort? I want someone else to talk to about this. I will not be forced to wait until after February to get this bond back.

Because we’ve been delayed, Martin and I don’t get to have a Christmas. Neither of us are able to spend money on presents for one another. We have no decorations. Nothing. And there’s not much to be done about that. If we have to wait 4 weeks, so be it, but we don’t. If you’re correct and we need to wait 4 weeks from when you sent in the invoice? And we haven’t seen an invoice? Then when exactly are we getting this bond back?

This is extremely unacceptable, and I would like to know what you plan to do to rectify this situation. If you and I cannot sort this out, let me know who I can sort this out with, because I’ve got to tell you. I’m extremely irritated that someone already lives there, yet you haven’t managed to get an invoice out of whoever allegedly did this work. You know we’ve been waiting, and while I could accept the fact that you can’t always get guys out to do the work as soon as it needs doing and I could accept that maybe it takes 4 weeks to get a bond back once it’s filed for? But if someone lives there, I want to know exactly why you haven’t gotten in touch with us and why you got someone to do work but didn’t receive an invoice immediately and get it to us, knowing we were waiting.

I hope you have good answers for these questions, because we are extremely unhappy about this situation.

-[My Name]
Note: If you do in fact have that invoice, I’d like to see it. ASAP. I understand you have holiday hours at [company name redacted] and that’s understandable. I’ll wait until you’re open again, but I will be keeping an eye on what hours your office has in the next weeks, and I will have my eye out for your response.
————–
Company Name
to: Martin and Me
8:19 AM (3 hours ago)
Hi Martin & Katie, please find attached your bond form and invoices. Please sign and return to me for lodgement. Thankyou.
Kind Regards[Name Redacted}
Property Manager
[email address redacted]

_____________________________

(Note: Today was the first day they were open after the holidays. I have both invoices. They’re only taking about $300 out which is what I guessed at.)
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2017 Day 2

A To Do List

  • Watch “The Seventh Seal”
  • Watch “Freaks”
  • Return “the Seventh Seal” and “Freaks” to Starland
  • Rent a handful more
  • Read up to 28% of Firstlife
  • Write down my happy and positive vibe silver linings
  • Put happy vibe slip into jar
  • Clean up desk area
  • Put away dry dishes
  • Wash dishes
  • Cook Martin’s veggies and lamb for the week
  • Remember to finish off jug of water
  • Wipe down stove and counter top after cooled
  • Take some time to play Overwatch, browse pinterest for a crafty thing to do, watch a show, watch one of the movies rented, etc.

Now… to organize… Some of this is clearly very estimated… but shut up, who asked you, these are my plans…

1:00pm – watch “The Seventh Seal”
2:45pm – watch “Freaks”
4:00pm – Return “the Seventh Seal” and “Freaks” to Starland
4:00pm – Rent a handful more DVDs
4:45pm – Put away dry dishes
4:50pm – Wash dishes
5:00pm – Cook Martin’s veggies and lamb for the week
6:30pm – Wipe down counter top
6:45pm – Wash up dishes from cooking
7:15pm – Wipe down stove
7:30pm – Read up to 28% of Firstlife
8:30pm – Happy fun whatever I want time
Vague time before bed – finish off that water, finish happy slip, deposit happy slip into jar

2017 Resolutions

  1. Read 52 books in 52 weeks and actually keep track via Goodreads.
  2. Drink a milk-jug of water throughout everyday. (The one in the fridge with time markings)
  3. Stick to an exercise routine that includes doing at least 10 minutes of cardio to start (a dance video or something of the sort). At the end of March, up it to 20 minutes. At the end of June, up it to 30 minutes of cardio.
  4. Clean bathrooms *every* Saturday.
  5. Get off my butt and quit being as lazy as I am.
  6. Obtain a full-time job.
  7. Write down one silver lining or thing I’m grateful for every single day. Write on pre-cut and pre-dated card stock bits and stick it in a jar.
  8. Keep an *actual* daily blog to update anyone who might care on the day-to-day crap I tend to care about.
  9. Try more foods. Remember: BURRITOS!
  10. In Omnia Paratus – figure out where to tattoo it and get it tattooed.
  11. Keep the kitchen tidy (do dishes and wipe up counters as needed instead of once in a great while).
  12. Force Martin to stick to a date night with me same night *every* week.
  13. Keep in better touch with old friends. (Also, make actual Skype plans with Ashley more frequently. Teach her how to use the streaming site so we can have movie nights!)

2017 – Let’s Try This Again

I agonize over blogs. I don’t know how to keep them fresh or interesting. I think the problem is my overthinking it. So this year’s goal is to write everyday. Not for anybody or anything. Just to keep in the practice. Just to get my stories out and maybe reduce my stress levels as well. Read or don’t, I suppose. I’ve decided I’d make a post especially for my New Years Resolutions and keep it as a featured post on my home page, so I can always be reminded to keep up with things.

I guess for starters I’ll tell you how I rang in the New Year.

At about 11pm, Martin and I were in separate rooms of the house we’ve lived in for a month now (I think it’s safe to say we’re both infinitely more happy than we were at Howson Street). I was in my office; he was in his office. I was going to read the last of Redwall before the New Year hit, and I had to start fresh. I ended up not doing that, but who’s making the rules here, really?

Instead I worked on this blog. The customization and the names and the main reason for blogging. I thought it all out.

Once I’d done that I noticed it was about 20 after 11. I grabbed some Mixed Berry Starburst gummies, a diet coke, and some Coles cinnamon scrolls and pushed the door open to Martin’s office. I sat in Joss’s old beaten up chair next to Martin who was playing Black Desert Online. I watched him slay Sausen mobs while I tore at the packaging of the Starburst. I told him I was going to start blogging for real this time.

As expected, he chuckled and said “Okay, sure.”

To be fair, I do this a lot. Start blogs. Leave them abandoned when my idea fails to stay fun for me. Others think “What a neat plan” and then I think “Yeah… but it’s no fun to do.”

So my solution? Stop worrying about if someone else wants to hear what I have to say and just say what I feel like I have to. Get my brain dumps out however I like and screw the “reader.” I guess that’s probably not going to get me anywhere… starting out with “screw the reader” but honestly. Screw. The. Reader. If you read and you have a problem with what you’ve read, you’re reading the wrong things. But writers often think instead “I’m writing the wrong things.” That’s not possible. You write what you need to write. Screw the critics.

Sorry, got off track there. *ahem*

So I told him I had all these high school nostalgia stories bubbling up from a misguided idea that I should check out everyone’s old myspaces and see which ones I can find old pictures from even though I can’t log in anymore because who even knows what my teenage brain decided was a good password. Or which email I used as I’ve used hundreds for different reasons.

I found Erin Weber’s was public, and I could look at all her old photos. So I did. I found some of my duct tape prom clothes, I cringed at the most awful hair decision of my life. I started thinking up all the nostalgic things. I thought about seeing “Thoroughly Modern Millie” at DeSales and falling in love with the student who played Jimmy. I thought about the Europe trip. I thought about Kate Sheeley breaking her ankle in two places and forever blaming me with screennames like “wishescount.” I thought about the time Alyssa Meadows caught me flipping her off (I thought she’d walked away but she was standing above/behind me on the stage), and I had to stumble through the lamest apology. I thought about how Amanda Masullo was my best friend in 1st grade, and how at graduation-sitting next to her-I mentioned that we had been best friends in 1st grade. I mentioned the Crayola factory and singing Celine Dion songs (IT’S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!) at the top of our lungs. She was shocked to learn that it must be true because how else would I know about her obsession with that song when she was younger. That or she now believes I’m psychic.

I thought about how in every picture, everyone was in groups. Everyone was having good times. I was off with some boyfriend of the hour or silently watching as everyone had these fun high school moments without me. Ashley and I were never ever not close, so I was never really alone, but I was always really sociable. I had no confidence, and I think combined with quitting marching band, it ended a lot of my friendships and my social life stopped to only include whoever I was dating at the time and Ashley.

I got by alright, and doing things this way made me the person I am now. I don’t regret it. But what I regret is my own stupidity when it came to keeping in touch with the few people other than Ashley that I really enjoyed spending time with. I held onto old grudges too hard. And that’s stupid. I should’ve sent more messages to Geena. To Katie. To Erin. To Leigh-Ann. I should’ve demanded phone numbers and actually called these people. Because phone calls are better than texts and I’d like to call people more often, I think. With texts you can use several excuses for no responses. But the phone forces you to talk. Forces you to bond where texts don’t allow for that.

I guess the MAIN focus of 2017 – for me – will be to focus on myself. Get where I need to be with my weight, my job, my life. We’ve moved into this house. We’re happier already and it’s only been a month. I don’t have to be friendless and lonely and missing America. I can have friends here. I just have to put myself out there with less fear.

So… for this New Year I raise my water jug for a toast. To 2017!

In Omnia Paratus
-Ready for Anything-